Two weeks ago today (8/5) I went to my 8-week checkup for a sonogram. Duffy, who was in Kenya leading a mission trip, actually called a few minutes before it started and I put him on speakerphone so he could hear what the Doctor said. She grimly looked at the screen and said, “I’m sorry - there’s no heartbeat.”
Duffy wasn’t scheduled for be home for another week (8/12), so we decided to put off the D&C until he was back home. The D&C was performed yesterday (8/18) with no complications. In a few weeks we should know the results from the tests - what caused the baby to die and whether it was a boy or girl.
We decided to give our baby a name - Shiloh Mercy Johnson. Shiloh is Hebrew for “God’s gift”. God’s gift of mercy. We believe that God was performing an act of grace and mercy when He took this baby into His arms after only letting us love it for a few weeks.
We have a lot of questions, but they can only be answered by looking at the character and attributes of God. God is always loving, merciful, gracious, trustworthy, omnipotent, and good. His reasons for allowing this to happen align with those qualities. He lovingly knit Shiloh Mercy together in my womb with a perfect design and purpose. Even though we wished the purpose had lasted longer than a few weeks - it was a purpose nonetheless. God wasn’t absent or distant from us - He was not simply watching but was actively involved.
If He’s the God of the good times, we have to let Him be the God of the bad times too. One thing we can always trust is that …God is good….all the time.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
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Hi Johnson's. My name is Michele Cone (Owens) and used to go to Prestonwood back in my single days. Anyway, I stumbled upon your blog a few months ago and followed your stories of infertility. I was so sorry to hear about your struggles. My husband and I have experienced 4 miscarriages and struggled with infertility. We actually did have a baby girl 13 months ago but had my 4th miscarriage after she was born. We will never understand why some of us have to go through this kind of pain and suffering, but God does make us stronger through it. Your words are an amazing testimony to God's will for us.
ReplyDeleteAt our last miscarriage sono (in March)when there was no heartbeat we knew going in that we still had to praise Him in the storms if we praised Him in the good times. Its so hard to see sometimes, but you have such a great attitude even if you don't feel it or show it.
Just know that the Cone family is praying for you tonight! I pray you feel His peace and comfort in the words of someone who has experienced similar pain and suffering. And that your openess with others is helping someone through similar situations.
In Christ's Love-
Michele
PS- you can delete this post, I just wanted you to know that you are thought about and prayed for. :)