Adoption: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I’ve found the majority of time we’ve spent on the path to adoption, has been spent figuring out which fork in the road God was calling us to take. Duffy and I have been on the opposite side of the fence more than a few times, and we’ve finally settled into a decision making process.


1. If either of us feels strongly against something - we don’t move forward. No man left behind.
2. If either of us feels strongly pulled toward something - the other one trusts their instincts; also trusting that God is ultimately in control and will make the final ruling. More than once we’ve seen one of us submit to the other, only for God to confirm it as the right way to go.
3. We don’t stress over any one topic/item/decision too much. God has closed too many doors for Him to open the wrong one for us to walk through. He is directing our path and we have found a lot of peace in making decisions based on that.

There are so many unnatural decisions that have to be made. With each one seems to come guilt and subtle accusations:
- Are you willing to take a child that has been exposed to drugs? How can you discriminate against a child based on its parent’s bad choices?
- Are you willing to take a child of a different race? Are you racist?
- Are you willing to take a child with special needs? If your birth child had special needs would you abandon them?
- How much are you willing to pay for your adoption? What do you mean you won’t go into debt - don’t you love your children more than your bank account?

At first, we let the guilt and accusations direct us. Then, we had a paradigm change and began asking ourselves the question, “What has God called us to? What has God uniquely equipped us with that we can offer that child?” Everyone’s answer will be different, and that will be okay. I spent months reading books searching for clear answers, theological ground to stand on, and a way to eliminate the “gray” areas. The only thing that I found clarity in…was prayer. Through prayer and time, God began to clear the fogginess and give direction.

The path to Adoption is rarely a straight road without turns. You may get matched with several children before you go home with a child in your arms. You may get several calls demanding immediate answers based on limited information. When you come to forks in the road and are making the toughest decisions of your life - cling to God and cling to your spouse. Don’t forget that you (and your spouse) are human - so cut yourself some slack when your blood pressure soars, your hair falls out, or tempers flair. Pray for grace and patience in abundance, and trust that the benefits will outweigh the struggle by ten-fold.