The October Baby - Part I

Many of you know about Boone and Johnson (our IVF twins that didn't make it), Karlie and Riley (our foster daughters who were taken away from us), and Shiloh Mercy (our baby girl lost to miscarriage). Very few of you know the story of losing our "October Baby".

On March 18, I had called adoption agencies and begun researching domestic adoption. I had mentally chosen Little Flower Adoptions in Dallas, but before I finished the application - Karlie & Riley arrived on March 30. After our June 22 mediation (where we found out we were losing the girls), I dusted off the old adoption application and finished the requirements to submit it by July 5. When I found out I was pregnant on July 6, the application was once again forgotten.

When I found out the pregnancy was headed towards miscarriage on July 27, I began remembering a conversation I'd had with Little Flower about a birthmom that they were having trouble finding a family for, since the baby would be bi-racial (AA & C). At 10am on August 5, Little Flower returned my call to tell me that they wanted to present us to the birthmother - so much in fact - that they wouldn't require us to ANYTHING prior to being chosen by her. That is unheard of in the world of adoption! Less than two hours later, I was on the table in the Dr.'s office being told Shiloh Mercy didn't have a heartbeat.

Duffy came back from Kenya and wasn't very exciting about jumping into this new adoption adventure with me. We realized that we grieve very differently - not that either way is wrong or less effective. While Duffy wanted time to be still and reflect on the events of the past few month...I wanted to move forward in life and not dwell on the past (and I was fairly certain that being still would lead to my incarceration, death, or institutionalization). Neither was right/wrong - just different.

A counselor helped us find a compromise and gave us the tools we needed to work together (and not against each other) to heal in our own ways and timelines. Great pieces of advice I'll share in a later post. On our healing trip to Colorado, Duffy and I seemed to have reached a place where we were leaning towards accepting this placement...should the birthmother choose us. "October baby" was due October 27...in less than a month we would be finally be parents and have our forever child.

To be continued...