October Baby - Part II

by: Charis

I had read over the birthmother's health records and although it wasn't a "perfect" situation, there were many positives to outweigh the few negatives. She was older and had done adoption before, so she knew what to expect. She was clean: no drugs or alcohol. She had no history of mental illness in her family and the birthfather was out of the picture. In many ways - low risk. I noticed that she had tested positive for Hep B and HPV...but didn't give it a second thought. I was sure there was a shot or medicine to keep the baby from getting it. Wrong. Hep B (when contracted as an infant) leads to liver failure as an adult (age 20 or older) if not sooner. Devastated.

I was devastated. I felt the same way I did when Dr. Lee told me something "might" be wrong with Shiloh Mercy. I walked around in a daze thinking, "my baby might be sick," as I let the weight of the knowledge sink in. Could I face having a child that would be chronically ill with a terminal disease? Could I ask my friends and family to financially support this decision? Could I ask Duffy to take a child that could potentially give him the disease? Could I live with myself if Duffy got sick and died of liver failure?

I thought, "But it's not the baby's fault that he might be sick. He is paying for the bad choices his mother made. How can I reject him for what someone did to him? How can I make the right decision? Maybe God will make the decision for me and she'll pick the other family."

Nope. We got the call last Thursday that she'd chosen us. I was dazed. I wanted to be happy, but I was so scared to be happy. I was so scared to let myself hope that he would be coming home from the hospital with me.

After getting mixed information from several doctors, we scheduled an appointment with Dr. Rodriguez - one the world's top Hep B specialists - and met with him on Monday. He had looked over the birthmother's records previous to our appointment and was able to give us definitive answers on her condition. Out of the three types of Hep B that are possible, she had the worst and most agressive kind. There was a 70-90% chance that she would pass it to the child, and once passed at birth...would most likely lead to fatal liver complications in adulthood (age 20 or older) if not sooner. She had several "high risk" factors that made the baby even more susceptible to Hep B and other neurological problems.

Even though I understand the logical reasons to not accept this placement - the mama bear in me couldn't let go. That was MY baby, and I wasn't just going to hand him over to another family willingly. I told Duffy that I wasn't capable of making the decision, that he would have to do it. I felt like I was holding Riley for the last time, all over again. I couldn't hand over another baby - he would have to take it out of my arms...my hands. I would never WANT to give my child away, but I was willing to follow his leadership and submit to his decision.
The thought of giving up another child seemed unbearable to me, so there was alot of soul-searching to see if this was something God was calling us to. We don't shy away from challenges or tough situations, and should we feel like this was the right thing to do we would move forward regardless of the risk. After alot of soul-searching, Duffy did not feel like God was telling us to move forward with this adoption. Duffy informed the agency Wednesday morning of our decision and they are going to move forward with another family. While I'm trusting that God will bring our child in the right timing, I am heart-sick and devastated over this loss.